Life is busy and full of guilt. I always give the same advice to new parents (Don't waste time feeling guilty about things--you're doing the best you can, so take comfort in how much you love your kids and how lucky they are to have you.), but I never heed it myself. In fact, I feel guilty that I'm taking the time to write this when I could be picking up the kids from school. It's 3:22 and I'm fairly sure that my son is awake from his nap and, being that my daughter doesn't nap, it's like she's been at school two more hours than her brother has.
I wish there was a medication for guilt. Or a support group.
But then I realize...my kids are lucky. They have love and support coming at them from so many angles it's ridiculous. My husband is lucky. For all of my shortcomings, I'm a pretty great wife and friend to him. My friends and family are busy, too. For all I know, they feel guilty for not calling me enough. And my work is fortunate to have an employee who never considered what she does as a job, but as a higher calling. My service to the students and teachers with whom I work is never second best because that would be unconscionable.
Above all, I know how lucky I am. While I spend many moments in this guilt-spiral, I spend an even larger chunk of time feeling grateful for my many blessings.
So I guess I need to remind myself that spending my time feeling guilty is counter-productive. Guilt is a happiness-thief. I vow to cut myself some slack and give myself some of the love I give to others.
Now I've gotta go because I need to pick up the kids.
Early this week, I picked up the kids a bit early and took them to the park. You'd think I was throwing hundred dollar bills at them they were so happy. These are the moments when I have to realize they won't remember all the hours I worked; they'll remember the fun we had when I picked them up.
